William

This particular relationship was by far the most destructive I have ever been in. But as my dad always says " You never know how good the good news is until you know how bad the bad news gets" (I'm probably mis-quoting horribly but you catch my drift.) As awful as it was good things followed... This relationship was like an onion, it has many layers... This is just one, and maybe another time I'll share further.

There was a point in time when I was living with Will and his roommate. The original deal was I would house sit for the summer while he was in Belize and the roommate in NYC. Plans unfolded differently and I ended up there before they guys left. Up until this point I thought things were going well for us. Then three days after my 21st birthday he broke my heart. I was devastated.

We remained friends for the weeks that followed before he left but living under the same roof made it hard to "stay apart". So the lines became blurred. Were we together? Were we broken up? But we never had a conversation reversing that decision so on the morning he left I sadly excepted the fact that we were no longer a couple.

That summer, as I waited for his return, I kept a journal of my thoughts. I spent a lot of time over-analyzing every aspect of what had happened between us.* And when Will returned I gave it to him and pointed him to specific entries I felt he needed to read.** Then I moved out. He had found a new love while away and shortly after he had gone to England, and supposedly married the girl. His only response to what I had written was a brief letter of apology. One that wreaked of the fact that he was clueless as to why he was apologizing, but he felt it was the response I expected.

Why did I waste my time? What was the point of that outpouring. In the words of the lyrical genius Jason Mraz " Do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send...Do they bend, do they break from the flight that they take and come back together again with a whole new meaning in a brand new sense, completely unrelated to the one I sent ?" This is exactly how I felt.... Did you get my message? Obviously not. But it was all for the best.

* I do not recommend this at all. It's not healthy...
** I know, I'm an idiot.