Happy Birthday Boo Bear - Isabelle Turns 2!

My precious Isabelle Grace turns 2 today... Just some photos to share

I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to add music to this post without it being obnoxious and taking forever (maybe because it's after midnight) but I wanted to post the lyrics to the song. It's by The Choir and it's called 'Cherry Bomb'. :)

She makes a lot of trouble, yeah
When things to go the way she plans
Discusses problems in theology
Nobody understands

She makes noise
She breaks toys
She fills my heart with joy

Cherry bomb, cherry bomb
With a face just like a cherub
She's a bomb, yeah
She makes her presence known
Cherry bomb, cherry bomb
With a face just like a cherub
She's sweet as anything I know

She never takes things lightly, no
Her little heart explodes sometimes
I hold her tightly in my harms
She really blows her Daddy's mind

She thrills me
She kills me
She spills grape juice on me

Cherry bomb...

She thrills me
She kills me
She makes noise
She brakes toys
She fills my heart with joy

Cherry bomb...

Marci's Giveaway

Want to Win $60? Marci over at Down on the Farm is giving away a $60 gift certificate to CSN Stores.

Here is a list of CSN Stores

Check it out then go to Marci's Blog to enter

Good Providence!! :)

Thoughts to ponder

• Are you Pro-life?
  
  
• A new Gallup Poll, conducted May 7-10, finds 51% of Americans calling themselves "pro-life" on the issue of abortion and 42% "pro-choice." This is the first time a majority of U.S. adults have identified themselves as pro-life since Gallup began asking this question in 1995.
  
  
• The Bible tells us we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” - Psalm 139:14
  
  
• "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5 – This would convey to most that even a life in the womb has great value.
  
  
• Nearly half of pregnancies among American women are unintended, and four in 10 of these are terminated by abortion.
  
  
• Twenty-two percent of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) end in abortion.
  
  
• In 2005, 1.21 million abortions were performed, down from 1.31 million in 2000. From 1973 through 2005, more than 45 million legal abortions occurred.
  
  
• Each year, two percent of women aged 15-44 have an abortion; half have had at least one previous abortion.
  
  
• At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and, at current rates, about one-third will have had an abortion.
  
  
• This year marks the 50th anniversary of “The Pill”
  
  
• Margaret Sanger was an American birth control activist and the founder of the American Birth Control League. She led the fight to legalize birth control for married couples in America.

• This is an excerpt from her work Women and the New Race -
  
  

  “THE MOST serious evil of our times is that of encouraging the bringing into the world of large families. The most immoral practice of the day is breeding too many children.”
  
  

  “The most merciful thing that the large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it.”

• Sanger pushed eugenics but claimed her views thus broke from those proposing Nazi eugenics—an aggressive, and lethal, program. She wrote in a 1933 letter:
  
  

  "All the news from Germany is sad & horrible, and to me more dangerous than any other war going on any where because it has so many good people who applaud the atrocities & claim its right. The sudden antagonism in Germany against the Jews & the vitriolic hatred of them is spreading underground here & is far more dangerous than the aggressive policy of the Japanese in Manchuria...” It sounds to me like Ms. Sanger is contradicting herself. Jewish life is valuable but an infant’s is not?

• There are 62 million U.S. women in their childbearing years (15–44).
  
  
• Seven in 10 women of reproductive age (43 million women) are sexually active and do not want to become pregnant, but could become pregnant if they and their partners fail to use a contraceptive method.
  
  
• The typical U.S. woman wants only two children. To achieve this goal, she must use contraceptives for roughly three decades.
  
  
• Virtually all women (more than 99%) aged 15–44 who have ever had sexual intercourse have used at least one contraceptive method.
  
  
• Overall, 62% of the 62 million women aged 15–44 are currently using a method.
  
  
• Almost one-third (31%) of these 62 million women do not need a method because they are infertile; are pregnant, postpartum or trying to become pregnant; have never had intercourse; or are not sexually active.
  
  
• Thus, only 7% of women aged 15–44 are at risk for unintended pregnancy but are not using contraceptives.
  
  
• Among the 43 million fertile, sexually active women who do not want to become pregnant, 89% are practicing contraception.

• What does the Bible say about children?
  
  

  Ps 127: Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
  
  

  Many times we are given the command to be ‘fruitful and multiply’
  
  

  Over and over in Genesis we find being fruitful is used as a blessing. To Noah in chapter 9, Abraham and Ishmael in chapter. 17. Jacob in chapter 28.

• Is God Sovereign?
  
  
• Do you trust him to provide for all of your needs?
  
  
• If he chooses to give you more children would he not also provide a way to care for them?
  
  
• Do YOU use birth control?

Thoughts to ponder……

Additional reading:

Side Effect: How the Pill Altered America’s Moral Intelligence


100+ Reasons to have Children

Notes:
Abortion statistics from here

Birth Control Stats from here

Read the full excerpt Women and the New Race

Chuckers

I mentioned a few days ago that I hadn’t shared birth stories before. I think the events of how your precious child came into the world are a wondrous thing, but what I really want to share is how God was working and moving in our lives at the time surrounding each of the births of our children. So, this will be spread over several posts, maybe consecutively, maybe not. We’ll see. Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start ;)

Nine years ago, in the summer of 2001, I met my husband. (Now, all the details of our dating/engagement/wedding are destined for another post and are a huge part of my testimony but this isn’t what I want to share today…) We started dating and it didn’t take long before we knew that we wanted to get married and spend the rest of our lives with each other. At that time I was pretty deep my sin. I’d been living on my own for a little while and my life truly reflected someone not under the authority of her parents, or God for that matter. But God was working in me… changing my heart.

The next summer rolled around and Graham and I were spending everyday together. Sometime in mid-June (sorry hunny, I don’t remember the exact day) we got engaged. We started planning our wedding. I decided I hated the job I’d worked so hard to get, so I quit. I moved back home to look for a new job and save some money before our big day. Two weeks after we got engaged I found out I was pregnant.

Now, Graham and I obviously had made some poor choices, but God is good. I’d been sick for few weeks, so sick I could hardly get out of bed. Finally I decided to go to the doctor. My parents were on vacation when we found out and the second they walked in the door my mom asked how my Dr. visit went. I wanted to wait till they got settled, but she wanted to know what he’d said. As soon as I told them my Dad’s face fell. Hands down the worst day of my life. To see that look on his face I will never forget. I’d let him down. His eyes became teary and without a single word he stepped outside. My mom followed.

My parents had every right to yell at me. But they didn’t. They came in and with a shaky voice my Dad said something to the effect of “We never know how good the Good is until we’ve known how bad the bad is. We are never too far for God’s grace to reach us”. We spent a while talking and shared with my parents that we thought God had chosen to put us in this place to bring us to the very end of ourselves. We were at a point where depending on Him was absolutely the only thing we could do. My mom cried. I cried. Due to past issues we weren’t even sure I would be able to have children. And here we were.

Needless to say the wedding date got moved up. Graham and I were married on August 31^st, 2002 and our precious Chelsea was born February 18^th, 2003*. I’m not looking forward to the day she figures out how to do the math. Not because I’m unwilling to talk about my sin because this event was a catalyst in bringing me to the relationship I have with Christ now, but because I don’t EVER want her to feel like she was a mistake, or the reason we got married. I pray (and trust) that when the time comes God will give me exactly the right words to say to her. She is precious and our sovereign God orchestrated every step of her existence and the timing of her birth for His perfect will. I feel like I was let off easy. I sinned and deserved a harsh consequence. Instead I was given grace, in the form of a precious little girl. One of the most amazing gifts I could have ever received.

Randomness

I decided not to meal plan this week. I'm pretty sure this will come back to bite me but we've got several things floating around here so I just plan on using what I've got on hand and just adding a few things as needed. Each week I plan and get groceries accordingly and inevitably we go out an extra time or have a meal with my parents so I always end up with ingredients that go unused. Until this week :) . Plus, my sweet Silas is feeling a little puny and wants to be held ALOT. So I'm taking a pass.


In other news, Several times we have canceled our cable t.v. for various reasons. Then we get it again because it makes the Internet cheaper, or we're living in the middle of nowhere so we'd never get any channels without it, etc. Really we could live without it. They recently released Netflix instant watch for the Wii so 95% of the time if we watch something it's on there. But with the Rangers recent acquisition of one Cliff Lee my precious husband feels it justifies getting cable again so he can watch the games...... Boys. :) Now, I get the character building experience of increasing my self-control by not spending all day watching the Food Network :).


I've been researching cloth diapers. I'm thinking it's a wise choice especially since we hope to have more kids. It's not cheap to get started but I entered a giveaway for a starter pack...{{{fingers crossed}}}. Graham's not sold on the idea yet but I'm sure once he sees how much we'll save in the long run he will be on board.





Stumbled across a blog of 'How to' make your own green cleaning supplies. I need to start doing this again. And super cute blog chalked full of household How To's. Fantastic. I'm totally wanting to make those ottomans! So cute and easy!





I've been going through and reading old posts on Life in a Shoe. The blog is written by some old family friends of Graham's and I'm quickly becoming enamored with this precious family. It's so encouraging to me, especially where we are right now. I'm getting FANTASTIC idea's of really just how to function as a large family.... Always worth the read.


And lastly, Vision Forum announced the release of audio recordings of this past weekend's Baby Conference. I have no clue how much they will cost (TBA tomorrow, I think) but I'm sure they will be worth every penny! I can't wait to order some.

Oh Baby!

The older I get the more I realize I don’t know as much as I thought I did. I recently watched The Business of Being Born, a ‘controversial documentary that takes a hard look at America's maternity care system, juxtaposing hospital deliveries against the growing popularity of at-home, natural childbirths’(1) . It really opened my eyes.

The births of each of our four children have been a little different from the previous one and as I’m learning more I’m pretty sure the births of the remaining children God chooses to give us will be different as well. A family friend recently had their tenth child and in sharing the birth story I contemplated sharing each of ours. Then I realized there wasn’t a lot to share.

Our first, Chelsea, was delivered by a Dr. (All our children have been born in a hospital and I had an epidural with each, no complications) I was induced about a week past ‘due date’(2) and then, while in labor they put me on several drugs - I don’t even know what they were. I spent most of labor in a groggy, unaware state and while I remember bits and pieces the experience, as a whole, is a blur. It took about twelve hours from start to finish and about three pushes. Afterwards I was a little discouraged about the ordeal. Even though there were no major problems I still felt like it could be better. So, I opted to switch to a midwife.

Next was Mackenzie. I was scheduled for an induction but the night before she decided to start the process on her own. The midwife was a little scatter-brained which didn’t give me a whole lot of confidence but I’d been through this a mere 10 months before. 8 hours and two pushes later Kenzie arrived with no complications.

Isabelle was delivered by my favorite midwife so far but she too was induced. I was a week past and after being monitored at the midwife’s for awhile they decided to send me over to the hospital. They started the induction and before long I was given an epidural. It wasn’t dispersing correctly through my body so they had me lay on my side. Best thing I’ve ever done. Within 30 minutes I felt pressure and called the midwife back in. While she rolled me over to check things out she realized our little Boo was half-way here. No pushing involved. Not a single push. Labor was about 6 hours if I remember correctly.

Again with Silas I used the same midwife group in the same hospital. I was only four days past my due date but they scheduled an induction for the next morning. Graham and I went home and did some last minute house cleaning. When we were finished I sat down on the couch to rest and started counting contractions. It was around 5 or 5:30. When they were 5 minutes apart we called the midwife, dropped the girls at my mom’s and headed to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital around 8. I tried to labor as long as I could until it became too painful before having the epidural. This didn’t take too long, mostly because I was stuck on a bed, on my back, and I don’t know any pain management techniques. It slowed labor a little so they put me on a tiny bit of Pitocin to move things along. After awhile I asked to lay on my side and sure enough, same as before, within about 30 minutes I felt pressure, no pushing, and he was here. Slightly less than 6 hours since I started counting contractions.

In light of the new things I’m learning I would like to try a birthing center and no drugs next time. Because of my previous birthing experiences I feel confident that complications are unlikely and if I could educate myself more on the art of labor, I feel like a natural birth would be a much better choice. For everyone. And my husband whole-heartedly agrees. In fact, he said it’s the hospital births that weird him out. While I like the idea of a midwife the ones I’ve used aren’t too different from most doctors. They have no hesitation to use inductions or Pitocin. This is a little disheartening to me but I’m not defeated.

As I grow, both in age and in my relationship with Christ, my views on things are changing. A LOT. I used to say “I would NEVER have my babies at home” and “I could NEVER drive a 15 passenger van”. Now, those are things I HOPE will happen. :)

1.Netflix
2.I’m learning that due dates don’t mean much. God is sovereign and babies will come when they are good and ready.

Meal Plan Monday (ish) - Again

I promise. One day I will post something other than my meal plans. I have a lot mulling around in my head I'd love to share but rarely have, or make, the time to type it out.

While I'm attempting to stick to our convictions about what we eat, this week I am honoring a few of my eldest daughter’s requests. So often she HATES what I fix but suffers through it. She asks what we have for snacks and never likes my answers. I figured this week I would humor her a little so it's not quite as healthy as I'd like but we'll live. I'm sure you'll be able to guess what things she wanted :)

Breakfast:

Biscuits

Cereal

Bagels w/cream cheese

Fruit & yogurt parfaits

Lunch:

Leftovers

Turkey sandwiches

Amy's Bean & Cheese burritos

Cheese and fruit

Snacks:

Cheese ball w/ crackers

Annie's snacks - Assorted

Fruit

Popcorn

Dinners:

Monday: Bulgar Burgers w/ sweet potato fries

Tuesday: Neiman Marcus chicken over rice w/ sweet peas (this recipe is similar but I do 8oz cream cheese, 8oz sour cream, & will make my own cream o' chicken soup. I also just use one sleeve of crackers, no clue exactly how many that is, and one stick of butter)

Wednesday: Greek Salad - Romaine, cuke, feta, olives, tomato, homemade dressing

(If I feel ambitious I may make some bread this day)

Thursday: Bean & Cheese nachos, sour cream, guac, jalapeños

Friday: Cod with Mediterranean salsa and salad (This is a new one for us, doubt Chelsea will eat this)

Saturday & Sunday: clean out fridge, one meal out, spinach quiche w/ fruit salad

Meal Plan Monday (ish)

It’s meal planning time again. I missed a week or two and didn’t stick to the budget very well so this week is a pinching-pennies/clean out the pantry week until the new month kicks in on Saturday. :) This just stresses to me once again the importance of sticking with planning. Also, having the kids home all day really changes things too. Before, Izzie and I would just share the previous night’s leftovers for lunch. Now, I’ve got two bigger girls who want all kinds of snacks and eat more so sometimes the leftovers aren’t enough for everyone so I am having to plan more for lunches as well.

I’ve started posting some recipes on Recipezaar and hopefully will be able to link them here soon. There’s nothing that bugs me more than seeing the title of a recipe and thinking it sounds good only to not be able to access the recipe. So here it is, unhealthy and all.

Breakfasts:
Cereal
Malt o Meal
Pancakes

Lunches:
Leftovers
Spaghetti
Tuna sandwiches
Fried Egg sandwiches

Snacks:
Leftover chips from the weekend
Cucumbers
Cannellini Dip
Cashews
Dry roasted Edamame


Dinners:

Monday: Thai Tuna Wraps

Tuesday: Mel’s Meal-In-One (Got this from a Fix-it & Forget-it cookbook – making it with regular extra lean ground beef this time may try without meat in the future or use grass-fed beef)

Wednesday: Sweet Asian Chicken (from my freezer meal swap) and green beans

Thursday: Simple Quiche with fresh fruit

Friday: Eat out (Chipotle)

I did make a cobbler for dessert Monday night. It was a little disappointing so I won’t share the recipe… I’d like to make another dessert later I the week but can’t figure out what to make with what I’ve got. Must investigate further :)

Simplicity

“If honor be your clothing, the suit will last a lifetime; but if clothing be your honor, it will soon be worn threadbare” ~ William Arnot

That’s what I’m striving for. I feel like our life has become so cluttered with ‘stuff’ that we are losing grasp on the important things. I’m constantly overwhelmed by the amount of dishes and laundry. We clearly own way more than we need and it’s becoming a problem.

With the school year coming to a close I find it’s a perfect time to start fresh in many areas. I’ve started compiling a list of chores for the girls and weeding out the unnecessary ‘things’. First stop… the clothes. I’ve thought about what we truly need in the way of clothing.

Here’s what I’ve come up with for the children:

• One of each:
• Winter Coat
• Sweater (to wear with church dresses)
• Casual jacket
• Scarf
• Winter hat

• Two of each:
• Gloves/mittens
• Swimsuits
• Shorts for wearing under dresses

• Three of each:
• Pair of pajamas
• Jeans or casual pants

• Four :
• Dresses appropriate for church

• Seven of each:
• Undies
• Pairs of socks
• Other outfits – shorts or skirts w/ tops or casual dresses

When winter rolls around the shorts will be swapped out for warmer counterparts. Things outgrown will be passed down to younger siblings, sold at JBF, or donated to the church clothing closet. I’m going to try to adhere to the same guidelines for myself with the exception of three “Special Occasion” outfits. Graham has different clothing needs because of work.

You might think this sounds like a lot. This is actually about what Chelsea owns now with the exception of more undies and PJ’s. My other children have three or four times this much. Mackenzie can fill an entire closet on her own and Silas probably owns over 20 onesies that fit him currently. This is crazy, especially when the result is what feels like 100 loads of laundry. God has blessed us immensely with many things, and it is our responsibility to be good stewards with what we have.

Next on the list…. TOYS!

Meal Plan Monday

Last week’s meal plan pretty much got tossed out the window because I was sick so I didn’t post it. I may in the future just because. I’ve found out a few things in the past few weeks:

• We love carbs and probably eat way too many and with no regard to gluten.

• I’m not good at planning out well balanced meals. I’m a main course kind of a gal but I’m trying to get better at it.

• We’ve gone almost completely meatless. Any meat we have we either already had in the freezer and needed to use it, or it is consumed while eating out (Chipotle). We did get some pasture raised/corn finished ground beef and tenderized round steak from my parents which we’re using for burgers tonight and maybe some philly cheese steaks next week. Good meat/poultry is just too expensive and we seem fairly content without it.

• Also, Chelsea only eats about 30% of what I make. She has to at least try everything but she’d be perfectly happy with a bagel and cream cheese for every meal. I tried asking her for suggestions when planning this week so maybe she’ll be more apt to eat it this go round.

So here it is:

Breakfasts:
Cereal
Cinnamon toast

Snacks:
Cannellini bean dip with pita chips
Celery with PB
Veggie chips
Fruit leather
Annie’s graham bunnies

Dinners:
Monday: Taco Salad (romaine, black beans, avocado, tomatoes, cheese, fritos – I know these are not good but it just doesn’t taste the same without them- and some Catalina dressing. If I can’t find any dressing that’s HFCS free I may attempt making my own or just use sour cream and salsa)

Tuesday: Pasta w/ pesto, garlic bread, fruit salad

Wednesday: Stir Fry veggies and brown rice

Thursday: Black bean & cheese quesadillas with chips & salsa

Friday: Out

Saturday: Breakfast – Grandma Johnson’s scones w/ dried cranberries
Lunch- Avocado & Chickpea Muffaletta
Dinner- Clean out fridge

Sunday: Lunch – Out
Dinner – Stuffed French Toast with fruit

Meal Planning for the Week (plus)

So we recently watched Food, Inc. and are changing the way we eat drastically. Not so much the actual meals, just a better quality of ingredients - mostly organic, local when possible, and more meatless meals. I 'm hoping if I post meals plans two things will happen. 1. I'll stick to it and 2. I'll encourage others to change their eating habits by seeing that it's very doable and tasty! :) I've gotten a ton of inspiration from my friend Stephanie and I'll use her meal plan format here. Thanks Steph!

For Breakfast we’ll have:

Cereal

Fruit & Yogurt Parfaits

Pumpkin Muffins

Snacks:

Apples

Annie’s Bunnies (Asst)

Sun Chips

Fruit & Yogurt Parfaits

Chips and homemade Salsa

Friday – Out (Spiral Diner)

Saturday – Lunch: Clean out the pantry & fridge :)

Dinner: Teriyaki Chicken with Fried Vegetable Brown Rice

Sunday – Lunch: Out (Chipotle)

Dinner: Greek Salad (romaine, feta, cucumbers, tomatoes, homemade dressing)

Monday – Black Bean & Sweet Potato Enchiladas w/Spanish rice

Tuesday – Thai Tuna Wraps w/ Fruit

Wednesday – Bulgar Wheat Burritos W/ Chips & Guacamole

Thursday – Fish w/ Lemon Dill sauce and Rice Pilaf

Friday – Out

Saturday – Lunch: Leftovers

Dinner: Homemade Pizza w/ Goat Cheese and Fresh Basil

Sunday – Lunch: Out

Dinner: Pancakes w/ Fresh Fruit

Hello old friend...

Wow. I just realized it's been almost two years since I've blogged.

Before our Laptop, before Boo , before homeschooling. Wow.

It's funny for me to read the previous posts and see how some things are completely different and other things are just the same. :)

My reason for blogging now is BIG changes are coming our way and I feel like this might be the best place to share.

My DH is sitting across the room 'test packing' for his big trip. T minus 10 days 'til departure. He's SO excited and I'm SO jealous. I know he is going to have a blessed time and can't wait to hear all about it.

In other news we've been attempting to put an offer in on a house all week. For some reason there is a HUGE communication gap between us and our realtor. UGH! It's SO frustrating. There seems to be no urgency for them but we are working within a specific time frame and would appreciate it if they'd pick up the pace. They don't send us all of the paperwork we need to sign at one time and don't tell us the mortgage broker needs more info. I wonder if they just expect us to know these things. I need to keep reminding myself that God's timing is perfect and if it's supposed to happen it will. We wandered around Lowes today after lunch and I got SO excited about the place I'm anxious to call our home it's about to drive me nuts. PRAY for me!

It's late and my bed is calling. Hopefully I'll be able to share some very good news very soon :)

Welcome to Clutzville, population 'me'

My sister is getting married in October. A perfect catalyst for getting myself in shape. I'm made an agreement with my other sister to keep each other accountable in our eating healthier/exercising endeavor. We've stopped eating before bed which for me is HUGE. If you know me you know I like nothing more than to sit down in front of the tube and munch whilst enjoying some Buffy or Angel at the end of a stressful day.

My sister has been walking a lot and says she's seeing some progress. I, on the other hand, am not having much success.

So today I decided to go for a little jog. Approx. a mile, in my neighborhood, which is scary in and of itself. But I did it. Feeling pretty proud of myself I headed down the hill towards my house. I noticed a shiny little face peering out a front room window, waiting for my return. As I hopped up into the yard to surprise my little one I stepped in a sink hole and SPLAT!, fell flat on my face. Classy.

I'm sure my little old lady neighbor say everything and if I were her I'd have been rolling with laughter. Ugh.

Once More, with feeling

This weekend I did something I've never done before.

I went to a sing-along.

A Buffy sing-along.

I had a lot of fun. It was kind of goofy and a little uncomfortable, mostly because it was a new experience, not because of the event itself.

There were props.

Bubbles,

lighters,

poppers,

Vampire teeth,

and oh yes,

underwear.

:)

There were no 'cool kids' sitting in the back making fun of you for being silly. In fact, sillyness was expected, if not demanded.

It was really neat how everyone was into it. At one point the host asked if the initially requested heckling of a character could be toned down and people actually did it. WOW!

Besides the event itself I enjoyed my entire excursion. Austin was awesome, as always. And I had some fabulous food at Fado, an Irish pub.

Cracker, Coy, and Shley, Thanks for the 'FUN TIMES' !! Love you guys!

As I Turn My White Skin Red

"And it's you and me in the summertime,

we'll be hand in hand down in the park.

With a squeeze and a sigh and that twinkle in your eye

and all the sunshine banishes the dark."

I love this song. I've wanted to put it up on my myspace page for a week now and it appears I'll have to upload it myself... bummer.

I'm ready for summer.

Not the heat mind you. Heat sucks! Especially here in Texas.

I just love the freedom summer inspires. Endless possibilities.

Cold drinks, driving with the windows down and the tunes blarin'.

Good Times.

I'm finding myself at a crossroads of endless possibilities.

So many choices, so many ways to go.

Good.

Exciting.

Terrifying.

Adventurous.

How do I make the right choice?

The choice I'd make five years ago is not the choice I'd make today, and probably not the choice I'd make five years from now.

It's a little overwhelming.

But I find it's a good place.

So I lift my Ocean Water and say "Here's to new adventures!"

'Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station

"Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place where they’re far more suited than here"

I just love that. So clever. And SO true. I have several bloggers that I read on a regular basis and I'm just in awe a bit. They are so good at capturing my attention, painting pictures with words, and making me want more. And there are several others I wish would blog more often. I wish I had that talent. I feel a bit lost with that. I don't have a 'talent'. Bummer if I'm 80 before I find out what it is.

That's not why I'm here today.

I'm here because I'm not cool. Somehow I doubt that anyone else dwells on this as much as I do. Feeling confident in your own skin... that's hard for me and I hate it. I think it's hindered by my desire to be loved by everyone. And I'm not. This is obvious by the fact that we can invite like 15 people over and only two come. It's sad really. I've got several friends that I don't care what they want to do, I'm there. "What, come over to sacrifice a goat in a ritual attempt to ward off evil spirits? I'm so there". I think maybe this is something cool that I've been missing out on, because I'm not in the know. Really it's just about spending time together... Just something on my mind today.

That and I really miss singing. Yeah, we sing every Sunday at church, standing in the sanctuary, one huddled mass. But it's not the same. I want someone to say "Hey Lori, I'm trying to put something together and really need a female voice in the mix. You interested?" That would be awesome.

Earlier when I thought "I want to blog today" this was not at all what I was thinking about but this is what came out... ummm.

An Outing

I'm trying hard to be a regular blogger. Bear with me...

With the weather being cool and sometimes icky, and with the Hubby and I sharing one car most of the time I feel like I've been inside, ALOT.

Even though last week I got to hangout with my friends more than usual, I still feel cooped up. I know the kids do, they've gotten out even less.

So we decide to take them to the mall. We ate dinner in the food court and then took them down to the playground to burn off some of that pent up energy.

We ran into some old friends there, the girls were happy to be around other kids.

Then a little girl who's mother was sitting next to us came over. She asked her mom if she had a paper towel.

Weird question, I thought. Then she proceeded to tell her mother about playing somewhere and something about a baby and then she asked "Do you smell it?"

WHAT? Smell? No good can come of a statement like that.

Poo. seriously.

Apparently there was a child who's pull-up was uber-full and started leaking out... All over the play area!!!!

Graham and I quickly grabbed the girls and started gathering our things.

Then we smelled it... Ugh... I wanted to vomit. It's bad enough when it's your own kids but you just kind of deal with it. But when it's someone else's kid, someone you don't know, it's repulsive. Luckily the mother of the boy found out and took him out to the restroom... I hope someone cleans that up.

It will be quite a while before we go back. I guess that's what I get for trying to get out of the house :)

Hookah with a Nooma Nooma

I'm 26. Not old by any standard unless of course you are five.

Lately I've found myself feeling very old.

Most of my friends have lives very similar to mine. Married, kids... But then others don't.

It's these friends that I find myself envying often. The freedom to go wherever, whenever. Staying out till the wee hours of the morning is the norm... Not a luxury.

I sat with several them last night. Enjoying myself. But at the same time I felt like a similar time in my life was oh so many years ago. My ten year high school reunion is next year... I'll be thirty in three...

A song plays in the background... At the table eyes light up with recognition and the sing-along commences. A song I've never heard. No clue. Feeling like an alien when references are made and I'm lost. Is this what our parents think ?

Is this stuff I should know about? Am I just a big nerd and not cool enough to know this?

Am I ridiculous for wanting to be 21 again? Well, maybe 23.

...ummm. The inner thoughts of a stay-at-home mom who has spent a little too much time indoors...

Epiphany

I always have these thoughts throughout the day and think "Oh, this would be great to blog about". And then, by the time I actually sit down at the computer the thought have become far removed from my brain....

Today is Thursday and on Thursday mornings I have a young moms bible study group at church. There are about six of us and three of them I grew up with so I feel like we are a pretty close group. Right now we are going through this awesome book called Don't Make Me Count To Three by Ginger Plowman. It's this great book about "a mom's look at heart-oriented discipline". If you don't know what that means just ask. I'd love to share.

But that's not what I'm discussing here, it's just a little background. Today I've been pondering the future... pertaining to my children. This group of girls, at least to the best of my knowledge, all plan on homeschooling their kids. And they would all be great at it. I, on the other hand, feel very little calling to pursue that. I know I have issues with patience, I'm not a good teacher, and at this point in time I think when the time comes our children will go to public school initially and I'll go back to work. At least part-time.

So why do I feel a little guilty about it? I don't want to homeschool them. I was homeschooled for three years of my life and I absolutely hated it. Also --- Side note--- both my mother and mother-in-law are currently homeschooling their children and most of the kids have been homeschooled exclusively. I went to public school until the eighth grade, was homeschooled 8th-10th and the finished in private school. I turned out alright. I don't feel too jaded or warped. I don't feel like my parents were never there for me ( although one difference is that my mom always stayed home).

A lot of times the conversation in Bible Study comes around to the fact that we as wives and mothers are called to raise are children in the teaching and admonition of the Lord...Titus 2 says "3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." ...
and how can this be accomplished if we send our children off to school... and work outside the home?

Will I be judged by this group of believers if I choose not to follow in their footsteps? I admire them for what they are doing, but I just don't think it's for us, at this time. And I ask because we've sat around talking about "those women" who neglect their duties as a wife and mom to pursue careers and "have nice things". I'm not trying to pursue any kind of career. I just want my kids to get a decent education which I know isn't going to happen if they stay home with me... Thoughts?

William

This particular relationship was by far the most destructive I have ever been in. But as my dad always says " You never know how good the good news is until you know how bad the bad news gets" (I'm probably mis-quoting horribly but you catch my drift.) As awful as it was good things followed... This relationship was like an onion, it has many layers... This is just one, and maybe another time I'll share further.

There was a point in time when I was living with Will and his roommate. The original deal was I would house sit for the summer while he was in Belize and the roommate in NYC. Plans unfolded differently and I ended up there before they guys left. Up until this point I thought things were going well for us. Then three days after my 21st birthday he broke my heart. I was devastated.

We remained friends for the weeks that followed before he left but living under the same roof made it hard to "stay apart". So the lines became blurred. Were we together? Were we broken up? But we never had a conversation reversing that decision so on the morning he left I sadly excepted the fact that we were no longer a couple.

That summer, as I waited for his return, I kept a journal of my thoughts. I spent a lot of time over-analyzing every aspect of what had happened between us.* And when Will returned I gave it to him and pointed him to specific entries I felt he needed to read.** Then I moved out. He had found a new love while away and shortly after he had gone to England, and supposedly married the girl. His only response to what I had written was a brief letter of apology. One that wreaked of the fact that he was clueless as to why he was apologizing, but he felt it was the response I expected.

Why did I waste my time? What was the point of that outpouring. In the words of the lyrical genius Jason Mraz " Do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send...Do they bend, do they break from the flight that they take and come back together again with a whole new meaning in a brand new sense, completely unrelated to the one I sent ?" This is exactly how I felt.... Did you get my message? Obviously not. But it was all for the best.

* I do not recommend this at all. It's not healthy...
** I know, I'm an idiot.